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The School Mediator Archive
The
School Mediator's Field Guide:
Prejudice, Sexual Harassment,
Large Groups and Other Daily Challenges
by
Richard Cohen
more
info |
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Students
Resolving Conflict:
Peer Mediation in Schools
by
Richard Cohen
more
info |
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Welcome to the February issue of
The School
Mediator, the first issue of 2009.
This issue explores the importance, not of students
resolving
conflicts, but of educators resolving their
conflicts with one
another.
Please send along your thoughts and
experiences. It is always a pleasure to hear from you.
Wishing you the best, wherever you are,
Richard Cohen
Founder and Director
School Mediation Associates
PS: If you receive this free newsletter
directly from us,
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forwarded
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to you, you can easily subscribe by sending your
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To unsubscribe, just
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| Educators Resolving Conflict | | |
There is one class of school-based conflicts that
consistently fly over
the radar of most peer mediation programs: those that
involve
adults.
For the most part, this is by design. Peer mediation's
primary focus is
on empowering students to resolve their own
conflicts.
There are many reasons for this student focus, not the
least of which is
that schools tend to exaggerate the normal, human
hesitance to resolve
one's
conflicts.
I don't claim to understand this, but it seems that many
factors--the
stress of the job, the chronic feelings of powerlessness
that many
educators experience, school structures that can
isolate individual
teachers, perhaps even the types of people who are
drawn to
education--combine to create a "conflict-averse"
culture in schools.
If getting educators to agree to resolve their own
conflicts was a
precondition for implementing peer mediation
programs for their
students, there would be very, very few peer
mediation programs.
I am convinced, however, that one relatively
straightforward and
cost-effective way to improve schools is to encourage
educators to
resolve
their interpersonal conflicts.
Many educators are quite skilled at resolving
the inevitable
disputes
that arise at school--either on their own or with the
help of trusted
colleagues.
But many are not so inclined.
In almost every building there are educators who have
difficulty getting
along. And in some schools in which I have worked,
teachers or
administrators have not been getting along for a
decade or more.
These educators bring conflict avoidance to a high art!
Of course, avoiding conflict can be a sound
strategy. When you
won't
see the other party regularly, when you don't feel
strongly about the
issues involved, when you need time to collect
yourself, when
you are certain the dispute cannot be resolved...in all
of these
instances and more, avoidance can be a wise
approach.
But in too many schools, educators avoid
interpersonal conflict to their
own, and their schools', detriment.
The most profound price is paid by educators
themselves: their
enjoyment of their jobs, their ability and desire to
devote themselves to
their work, even their performance...all can be
negatively impacted by
living with prolonged interpersonal tension.
Fellow teachers and administrators also suffer when
peers are
deadlocked in conflict. It is stressful to be a bystander,
watching
colleagues behave badly, not knowing exactly how to
make it better.
Ongoing interpersonal conflict among educators also
likely affects
students. For one, the more that educators respect,
trust and support
one another, the more they will be able to generate
these same
feelings among their students. And compelling research suggests that
students perform better academically when
they feel connected to
and
supported by their teachers.
But take heart! The good news is, first and foremost,
what readers of
this newsletter know very well: mediation and conflict
resolution
processes work.
I have had the privilege of facilitating many mediation
sessions for
educators. Whether the focus is on understanding an
often
misinterpreted history--why did you make that
comment?, not
include me in that project?, not invite me to that party?,
embarrass me in
that meeting?, not return those materials?--or
exploring sincere
differences in educational philosophy and practice,
the results are
usually quite positive.
Most often, educators are glad they chose to
participate. Many report
feeling "lighter" and able to devote more of their
creative energy to
their work.
Even more exciting: In part because of the increasing
reach of our
own field, more administrators and teachers:
1. understand the importance of helping their peers
resolve
conflicts, and
2. have the skills and the courage to do so.
It takes a sensitive leader to effectively encourage
others to resolve
disputes, even more so given the unique obstacles
(union
implications, time constraints, space limitations) in
schools. These
leaders need the skill to hold fellow educators to a
high standard while
also maintaining strong, trusting relationships with
them. (What our
restorative friends at IIRP call "high control/high support.")
It is not easy for anyone to seek assistance to resolve
an
interpersonal conflict. These school leaders work to
transform this act
from one
associated with shame and humiliation to one that
signifies courage
and maturity, professionalism and commitment.
The current economic climate will only increase the
challenges
educators face. Budgets will be reduced. Class sizes
have to go up.
Leaving a bad situation for a position in another
system will not be an
option for educators. Fewer will choose to retire.
In these times--in all times--school leaders must help
their peers
resolve the interpersonal conflicts that prevent them,
and their schools,
from
being the best they can be.
Thankfully, more school leaders are doing just that.
What are
your thoughts? Please
respond so we can all learn
from you...
Look for additional information from School
Mediation Associates on
this topic in the months ahead.
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| Response to "Peer Mediation's Missing Stage...Increase Understanding" | | |
We received many responses to
the
last issue of The School Mediator.
A
number of them follow below...
This month's newsletter really struck a chord with me. I
agree
completely.
In training adult peer mediation coordinators, I have
found it
difficult yet important
to convey the idea of sitting back and letting the
disputants talk to
each other. I
think there is a fear of losing control over the situation.
If the disputants don't have the opportunity and
encouragement to
talk to each
other, however, not only do they have difficulty
understanding
each other, but they
also don't have a chance to practice negotiation--an
important life
skill.
Thanks for bringing attention to this.
Leigh Jones-Bamman, State Education
Resource
Center
Connecticut
I loved this month's newsletter. As a Transformative
Mediator, the
"missing stage"
is our core theory: creating understanding is all about
empowerment (self) and
recognition (other).
When parties are clearer about their situation (feelings,
behavior,
needs, choices
and resources) they become stronger and more open to
understanding those
things in the other parties. As empowerment and
recognition
build, parties
become more able to use their own problem solving
strength to
brainstorm, be
creative and make decisions. I believe this is the most
powerful
way to support
conversation between the parties.
At our Center, we use this core theory to inform all of
our conflict
management
work. It is hard to train young people in this approach:
to give
them structure (we
don't use a step system) without taking the parties' own
natural
structure away.
Still, self-determination is more likely to happen when
mediators
can be clear
about their role and support parties' compassionate
strength.
Linda Hendrikson, Conflict Management
Consultant
Conflict Resolution Center
Grand Forks, North Dakota
The peer mediation model that I have used and refined
over 20
years on Cape
Cod, Massachusetts includes an "increase
understanding" stage
that I call "The
Exchange." It is all about getting the disputants to
actively listen,
restate and
mirror each other.
Peer mediation is one of the best programs I have ever
been
affiliated with
because it allows me to "teach a man to fish." I walk
away, and the
program
continues.
I just retired after 20 years as Youth Program Director
for the
Barnstable County
Sheriff's Office. Now I'm doing substance abuse
treatment for
another agency as
well as working in the county jail (where we have
introduced peer
mediation into
the drug treatment unit!).
John Clarendon
Barnstable County Sheriff's Office
Mashpee, Massachusetts
I read with great interest about the experiences
described in
The School Mediator
and hope to learn from them.
With respect to your mention of an additional stage
within the
mediation model, I
absolutely agree with the concept of
both parties trying to have a better understanding of
their
adversary's
point of view. When all is considered, their lack of
understanding may have a lot to do with why there is a
dispute in
the first place!
I have a greater understanding of the importance of
listening now,
albeit much
later in my life. I don't mind admitting that for my first 54
years, I
only heard and
did not listen. Through my studies, and in
conjunction with a huge attitude change, I am becoming
a better
listener, and subsequently learning so much more.
Teachers who take the time and effort to educate the
younger
generations in the
skills of mediation, are doing them a great service,
providing them
with tools and
the understanding to assist them throughout their lives.
Robert Tilbrooke
Townsville
North Queensland, Australia
As always, I enjoy The School Mediator.
In response to the latest issue, I'd hate to think of
"increasing
understanding" as a
discreet stage of the mediation process. I think we do
our best
work as mediators
when we encourage students to engage directly with
each other
throughout the
process.
Opportunities to hear and be heard are present from the
moment
parties walk in
the door until the time they leave (and beyond)!
Melissa Brodrick
Lexington, Massachusetts
You got me involved in this issue of The School
Mediator
with the heading about
"the missing stage."
I know you are aware of what I am going to
say, but I can't
resist adding to what you said: when the Increase
Understanding
work is done
well, the mediator lets go of control of the process and
the parties
then take
themselves through the remaining steps with the
mediator
following.
Sally Pope, recently elected Town
Councilor
Southampton, New York
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| About Us | | | For twenty-five years, School Mediation Associates
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mediation in schools. SMA's mission is to transform
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